Frequently when our clients say "I don't know", they really do know - they're merely unwilling to acknowledge or face the answer. If it was was easy to say aloud they would accept done so.There tin exist many reasons for the "I don't know", simply if we trust our instincts and explore gently - we may just be rewarded with an Aha moment!

There are any number of reasons for that, "I don't know" - but most of them are probably a fright of the consequences of stating that reply aloud. Peradventure information technology means they will need to acknowledge some change is needed in their lives (they might have to quit their job) or perhaps they don't trust US plenty yet and are afraid what nosotros will recollect. It could exist that they're agape what their inner critic will say to their answer (don't be such a infant!). They may not want to disappoint us (I'm not ready to take that step). Perhaps their logical, rational side thinks their respond is ridiculous, childish or immature (she won't like me any more). Possibly if they say the respond out loud they'll take to confront something unpleasant (have that difficult conversation with their dominate/partner). Or perhaps information technology'south something else...

Just whenever nosotros don't acknowledge what we're Really thinking, we are rejecting a part of ourselves. We're more focused on who we recall we SHOULD be, than who we really are. And when we practise this nosotros literally block ourselves from moving forward, because what we're saying is - I'g aback/embarrassed/afraid of that role of me.

Withal when we face that thought, that feeling and say, "I know I need to quit my job only I'm afraid" or "I feel like such a child, but I don't want to apologise" or "I'm such a coward. I'm terrified that they won't empathize and will express joy at me/information technology will harm our friendship." Now we have the truth - and something existent to work with.

From here we can look at the feelings, explore the judgements, prepare back-upwards plans, discover new options, and MOST importantly honour the whole person. By this I mean award the parts of our clients that feel afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, resentful. All those feelings we shouldn't really feel - but all the same do. And information technology's a peachy time to remind our clients, "Just considering yous FEEL or Retrieve information technology doesn't make it true."

And then, here are 15 ways to answer and plow that "I don't know" into an Aha moment!

  1. "This is a good place to offset. Lets relax for a moment into this 'don't know' place."
  2. Simply utilise silence. Don't respond at all and wait calmly for their answer.
  3. "Call up that just considering you answer, doesn't mean you need to do anything virtually it."
  4.  You may desire to utilize a softener before this question: "What are you pretending not to know?"
  5. "I feel that too sometimes. Have a moment and let me know when you've thought of something"
  6. "What if you secretly knew the answer?"
  7. "And so, what's underneath the 'I don't know?' What are you avoiding?"
  8. "What is information technology similar for yous to not know?"
  9. "How do yous experience right at present as y'all think about answering this question?"
  10. "Hmmmm. Take a deep jiff and just let yourself experience into the question for a second."
  11.  Use with circumspection and excellent rapport, "If I were to snap my fingers and you knew…" (snap fingers)
  12. "So, if (what they don't know about) had a colour/smell/gustatory modality/sound, what would it be?"
  13. "OK, then what if you were to requite me an approximate answer or a range?"
  14. "Hmmmm. Let'southward try something here. Take a deep jiff and permit your unconscious mind create the reply equally a moving-picture show instead of trying to make it happen."
  15. Ask them for THEIR helicopter perspective. "Imagine you're in a helicopter flying over the map of your life. What do you discover about your life from way up in that location? Looking down with this new perspective, how would you respond the question now?"

So, don't feel caught out past, "I don't know" ever once again. Have patience. Utilize one of these responses to inspire y'all and yous never know, information technology may even be YOU who has the Aha moment!

Watch out for: When we encourage our client to reveal themselves the customer must trust and feel prophylactic with us - enough to exist vulnerable. So, take your time. Exist kind, compassionate and understanding. Remember to reflect dorsum what they accept said and ostend agreement - without judgement. Be a motorcoach. Be You.

If yous liked the coaching questions in this commodity, you lot may also like:

  • 10 Powerful Questions to Unblock Your Clients!
  • ten Essential Questions to Help Your Customer Identify Their Strengths!
  • Why Black or White Thinking May be Keeping Keep Your Clients Stuck!

Emma-Louise Elsey Headshot

Contributing Writer:

Emma-Louise Elsey has been coaching since 2003 and is the Founder of The Coaching Tools Visitor and Fierce Kindness.com. She's passionate near coaching and personal development. Originally a projection and relationship managing director for Fortune 500 companies she combined her love of coaching, inventiveness and systems to create over 100 brandable coaching tools, forms and exercises including 30+ completely free coaching tools. She now serves coaches and the coaching world through her sectional newsletter for coaches, Coaches Helping Coaches Facebook Group and many other dandy tools, resources and ideas for your coaching toolbox. The Coaching Tools Company is an official ICF Concern Solutions Partner.

Learn more than nearly Emma-Louise & see all their articles here >>

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